who i am at the tender age of twenty four

someone once told me

you are perfect. never change.

i immediately thought

oh, shit.

for the only constant is change, itself.
we all change.
every day. every experience. every minute.

and, so, i guess it should be noted that i have evolved
and in the grand scheme of things, it is slight.
no ground-breaking changes have taken place
but i have experienced heart break that i have never known, did some yoga poses, had an immaculate cup of coffee, cut my hair, ate lots of kale, read a lot and failed at not one, not two but three gardens.

and, despite their fleeting presence, these phases of time have amounted to something much larger.
they have created stepping stones to new and different places.
and they have propelled me forward even when fear grabbed hold of my heart and told me to stay put.


at twenty four..

i stopped looking for love in all the wrong places.
and i started looking for it within me.
and there it was.
a muscle that needed to be discovered, flexed and defined.
a pulsating presence that is always there.
even if i flail.
it remains.

evidently, at twenty one and twenty two and all the years before,
i was muddled at best. 
and, yet, i could see how easy it was to love me.
i was thirsty and willing to soak myself in pretty well any vile liquid you threw my way.
it was easy to see me as perfect.
i was, in terms of a partner, ideal.
i was naive and supportive and unsure and willing to do anything for praise.

what a giant leap to the woman i became.
i am skeptical and supportive and unsure and willing to do whatever i want to further expand my love of self.
i am stubborn and loving.
i can be moved to tears by pretty well anything.
but i refuse to show it.
i love a good book and a pot of tea.
i cuss often.
i do not like to be watched in the kitchen
but, damn, do i like to cook.
i give myself wholeheartedly to any situation.
i am working on that one.
i am learning to say no.

at twenty four, i have a handle on my sense of self.
i suppose it is more like a finger tip resting ever so gently on the cusp...but, hell...it is closer than ever before.

...to be continued..