the dream

i dreamt that i was in her home once again
and everything was as it was before we took it all down
and placed it in boxes
and dispersed it all between the family.

the laughter and chatter that was normally around at family functions filled the room
and i found that special place on the couch.
the one i always liked.

and then there she was.
in a hospital gown.
and she said

oh, those pumpkin cookies. those must be old.

and i thought

i will eat them any way. they are all i have left of you. i will eat every last crumb.

but i said

let me do your dishes

and i walked over to the sink, plunged my hands into the warm water and looked out the window placed just above.
when you looked out of this window, you were able to see the grave yard.
and one tombstone in particular. the one that belongs to her husband, my grandpa.

some things are planned.
perfectly so.



i woke up to tears streaming down my face.
and then i felt his hand on my hip and i knew it was okay.