mixing colours

lately i have been thinking a lot about that time in elementary school...

unequal blobs of paint sprawled out in front of me.

young, spry, eager, and a whole lot of shy.

we sat at the table in the big art room.

i always liked this room but i was equally intimidated by it.

i, as a child, was an awful artist.

i could not colour in the lines if my little life depended on it.

i tried and i tried again.

each time, i failed.

so when it was time for me to venture into this art room, i felt like an impostor.

here i sat, with blobs of paint on brown construction paper.

the task? mix colours. find new colours.

green and blue make yellow

red and white make pink

pink and blue make purple

and on and on we went. fingers filthy, minds working oh so hard. masters of colour.

now i appreciate the brilliance of it. the mixing. the discovery. the shove to learn on your own.

now that i am shoved into the time of life where people start demanding

pick one thing to do

pick one person to be with

reproduce.

now i crave to be back in that room, fingers covered in paint, mixing colours to my desire.

there was something so holy about that time. encouraged acts of messiness. acts of mixing norms to create new norms.

how i wish to be back.