three

3. Minimize your passivity.

as a woman, passivity is a trait that was deeply embedded in my psyche along with a few other so-called innate traits.
i learned to be quiet and pleasant and compliant and, as i aged, i decided to break some of those rules
and, as a woman, i was shoved right back into passivity.
so i learned to play the same game but with different rules. my rules.

i wear passivity different now.
as a young child, i was shy and scared.
as a young woman, i was shy and feared less.
as a woman, i am learning to ask for the things that i need.
to clarify what needs to be clarified
and to do the sole thing required for all prosperous adult relationships

communicate, communicate, communicate.

at twenty four, the minimization of passivity looks like a bar ledge
and a man who approaches me and asks if i want a drink
and i decline
and he approaches me again, minutes later, asking me the same thing
and i decline
and he approaches me again, minutes later, asking me the same thing

and i sternly say

listen, i was not interested in your offer 5 minutes ago, nor three minutes ago nor am i interested now. if i wanted a drink, i would have accepted the first time.

 he, stunned that this woman could speak so sternly in his direction after a seemingly innocent offer, does not say anything except for

wow.

and what more is there to say, really?
when you finally give yourself permission to ask for the things you want, refuse the things that you do not want and articulate your deepest desires.

wow.

i finally have the self-given right to say

i need a hug and any strangers embrace will do the trick right now.
i need you to stop talking to me like i am a child.
i need you to stop neglecting me.

these are all things that require permission to say.
we cannot come right out and say these things.
to express yourself so pin-pointedly is frowned upon.
we are to take things as they come and be damn well happy that they came at all.

who says?

welcome to the game.


http://thoughtcatalog.com/2012/25-things-to-do-before-you-turn-25/