placelessness

sleeping in
waking up to pancakes
and a sweet little chef
tackling mexican cuisine
struggling through french sentences
seeking the perfect notebook
hot yoga
weddings
running on soy lattes


more details on life in general to come.

for now, i slip into a french coma treasuring the remnants of vodka and cranberry.

bon nuit.

lifting up my spirits. or at least making an effort to do so.

you know that feeling, right?
lethargy creeps in and encompasses you during the night.
you awake
bitter.
lost in this monotonous cycle they call life.

you open your closet door
observe all these items
that are meant to make you feel better about yourself
and you close it, tight.


and just when you think
you cannot possibly get lower
you single-handedly stimulate the economy
and top it all off with a $5 dollar latte
and then have to listen to this:

"oh yeah! sup mama?"

really?
feminism 100:
i am not on this earth for you to gawk at
and you do not have some given right to compliment me whenever you see fit.
it is called cat-calling
and it needs to die off with your horrid attire and skateboard.

and so, my friends,
it is time for a happy list.

things that make me happy:

red lip tint

feathers

pretty dresses

new earrings

chai

soup

pottery

smiling at strangers

the smell of old books

thick sweaters

a cats purr

boots

the colour yellow

this song

spontaneous dance parties

cupcakes

this may be the coolest thing i have ever bought

bicycle paperclips.


i realize that this speaks volumes for my character.



ohwell.

let's play catch up, shall we?

dear house,
i wish you were closer to the university. i really dislike leaving 45 minutes earlier than i have to just for your sake.

dear bike,
i would really like to ride you more. but due to house's location, it is near impossible. you and house should have a little chat about that.

dear french classmates,
i'm sorry. i am not very good at this. and i am not funny in french. and that is sort of all i got going on for me. yeah, pity me.

dear brooke fraser,
knock it off. your fabulousness is a distraction.

dear scout and catalogue,
please come back to me. i need to buy another scarf.

dear sewing machine,
please teach me how to use you. thanks.

dear freshly re-done chair,
i apologize for using you as a closet. one day soon i will peel all the clothes off of you and let you show off your new awesomeness.

dear owner of the amazing bicycle outside of the classroom building,
yes, it is true. i contemplated stealing your vehicle of choice. i fully considered the karmic repercussions and didn't care. but, as you know, i did not steal it. this time.

dear universe,
i need more clothes. and, specifically, a yellow skirt, a striped shirt and a military jacket. just not-so-subtly sayin.

dear coco,
i really would like a home. i really dislike curling up in bed alone. let's make it happen, yes?

oh, and a pug. ok?

with love,
b

for andrea

from here.

the gorge crystal necklace is on holidays. sigh.

and the pottery, oh the beautiful pottery, it can be found at mysteria on 13th ave.

i suppose this means you are coming home to buy some?
please do.

yours,
b

i'm not sure how you got in my mind

but i wish you would stay
and keep expressing these thoughts.
these thoughts that are too raw
and stall my desire to bring grammical life to them
but you, my dear, do it so well.

thank you,
b

"the terrain is shifting. the terrain of my life is shifting. and it's terrifying. terrifying because it's suddenly upon me and terrifying because it's been so long in coming. but mostly terrifying because there's a sense that if i'm not careful i'll miss this moment--this glorious sliver of time--and the ground will settle and i'll be left. standing still. same spot. my feet tethered to a place i can no longer call my own."

"the thing is, this thing that i feel i'm meant to do--this thing pressing up against my gut, i've never done it before and i'm quite certain, there's a good chance, i won't know how to do it. and this push and pull between absolute certainty and absolute doubt has me standing still, afraid to dive into the sliver. afraid the sliver will pass.

but the push and pull is also the belief in the divine versus my own, small and pitying self-doubt.

and who am i do deny that something larger is at play? and i use that verb--play--carefully, because isn't that much of what this life is--what it's meant to be? aren't we meant to play and explore and do the very things we think we cannot?"

it's written

every once and awhile
life throws you a sharp one
just to see if you are on the ball.

i was not on the ball.
in fact, i was off gallivanting
leaving the ball completely unattended.
and it all seemed to be perfectly fine.

until i got that splendid phone call.
the one that i waited for for months.

it was mcmasters.
and they had a spot.
and if i could be there in 2 days,
it was mine.

someone just offered me my career
my dream career
the career that i battled for
the career that so many people said
"not possible", especially "not on the first shot"

well, it was possible. on the first shot.

there is something you should know right now: i declined.

i did not decline right away
i pondered
and cried
and did not sleep despite over-exhaustion
and called landlords
and googled
and googled more
and rejoiced
and shared
and cried.

alas, moving two provinces in two days was not for me.

oh, how i wish i could be that brave soul
who packed it all up and landed in hamilton, on
with nowhere to live.

for now, i live out one more year in the prairies,
my mantra in my pocket:

if it is meant to be, it will be.

and i wholeheartedly believe myself.
i hit it once, i will hit it again.
and this time,
all the stars will line up
and i will be gone.

september the 29th

is my birthday
and i, quite selfishly, have created a birthday list

i normally ask for nothing
or request donations to charities or something.
but there are a few items
that are must haves.
yes, must.

a piece from horn of plenty
would make my year.
i have been eyeing up her pottery for months.




a crystal necklace
it sounds fancy
but it is really not
it is the perfect amount of classy.



a spice kit
for desserts.
yup.



that's it, that's all.

adorable

i'm off to get a latte and some school supplies
rumour has it that i start classes tomorrow.





great.

september 1

at 8:35 pm last night
i looked outside
and saw nothing.

darkness.

this was both depressing and exciting.

i do not bode well with winter.
but fall.
oh, fall.

i was born for fall.

it was no accident that i was born a few short days after
the first official day of fall.

if it could be fall for the whole year
i would gladly jump on board.
just imagine.

hearty veg soups all year long
layers
boots
snuggling
tea
books
open windows blowing fresh fall air
yellow, orange and red leaves
lipstick
chai lattes


yup.
fall and i,
we are pretty serious.