on (never) failing

sometime ago i woke up at 3:30 am
and found myself at the airport a short while later
tired
groggy
and anxious.

two airplanes
one book
and one soy latte later
i arrived at my destiation:

hamilton, on.

as i said before, i was in hamilton for an interview
for a chance to score a seat at the mcmaster midwifery program.

after weeks of baited breath
i have the results.

i am not in
but i am not out.
i am on a waiting list.
spot # 9 on the mcmaster midwifery program wait list belongs to me.

should 9 people forgo their coveted position,
i will be offered a more official spot.

according to some people
i have failed.
i did not make it into the program.

but.
i do not believe in failure.
i believe in learning experiences.

i believe in this quote:

"there are no failures.. just experience​s and your reactions to them" -unknown

oddly enough
one of the many questions i was asked during my series of interviews
was a question of failure.
how do i conceptualize it and what does it ultimately mean to me?

i boldly answered that, in my opinion, failure does not exist.
everytime we "fail", we have learnt something.
if we focus on failing, we completely and totally miss the lesson.
and life, my friends, is all about lessons.

so did i fail?

absolutely not.
i travelled out east by myself (something i thought i could never do).
i threw myself into a very tense and scary situation. just to prove i could do it.
i answered questions to the best of my ability.
and i answered them honestly. there was no filter.
i found a wonderful farmers market.
i made friends with 3 cab drivers.
and i encouraged and supported my competition (not an easy feat).

and now i can sit and relish in the sweet feeling of being number 9.
of giving it my all and learning life's lessons along the way.

the particular sadness of lemon cake by aimee bender

i was disappointed in this book
for two reasons:

1. i mistakenly took it for a memoir. it is, in fact, a novel.
a novel that includes a family with some sort of otherworldly powers
which left me muddled and utterly confused.
once i realized that it is a novel,
it made a lot more sense.

2. although i was introduced to several intriguing characters,
bender really just skimmed the surface of each character.
and i needed more.
it was irritating
and proved the importance of detail in books.

it seems like bender was on to something really great.
magical, even.
powerful.
but it was not executed how it could have been
i am left with the impression that bender rushed through the creative process
leaving out minute yet crucial details in plot and character.

however.
it was not all bad
i did finish.

rose, the main character, has the ability
to taste people's feelings in the food they prepare.
i.e.
she tastes her mothers affair.


now you see why i was so confused with this "memoir"
i really just thought it was a fresh take on
the complexity of mother daughter relationships.
until the revelation that looked something like this...

"what is going on....how can this be...
aimee bender..
i should google aimee bender..
wait.
aimee bender? the main character is rose..."

at which point i studied the cover
and saw

a novel

yes, the font is true to size.


i do enjoy the title.
in fact, it is the reason i picked this book
off the too dusty shelf in the library.

i really recommend you read this novel.
and then please
oh please
call me so we can discuss what the heck happened to joe.
(is that intriguing enough for you? i hope so)

i am an emotional creature by eve ensler

eve has done it again
and i am not at all surprised.
this woman is unstoppable.

i am an emotional creature had me at hello page one.
and like any good love,
it only got better from there.

if all the young women across the globe
were to get one book.
this should be it.

it is an glimpse into the world
of women across the globe
and it is beautiful.

it is a call to recognize foolery.
and embrace yourself.
and others.
embrace womanhood and all the gifts that come along with it.

it is a call to use your voice
especially in places you should not.
(who made these rules anyway?)

and it is a call to reclaim.
anything and everything that has ever been taken from us.

read it.
and pass it on!


eve talking about "free barbie", a section of her book:

floral leopard lace

Source: fuckyeahcutehair.tumblr.com via MaleneH on Pinterest

Source: lace-and-leather.tumblr.com via Karen on Pinterest

Source: urbanoutfitters.com via Marie on Pinterest

Source: sterlingstyle.net via Liz on Pinterest

Source: ohhellofriendblog.com via Tracey on Pinterest

Source: daydreamlily.com via Alice on Pinterest

Source: weheartit.com via Tish on Pinterest

Source: jenny-fromtheblock.com via Aimee on Pinterest

the happiness project by gretchen rubin

this book was not a mad love affair.
but
it was intriguing enough that i continued to read it.

i must admit that i brought
a certain level of skepticism
to this book which probably
tampered with the overall experience of reading this book.

why?
because i am torn in two very distinct directions

a) rubin, an obviously talented writer, is a middle-class, white woman with no pressing or obvious problems in her life. what does she know about being unhappy? ouch. i know.
b) we all have ups and downs but we all, eventually, end up somewhere near happiness and, therefore, rubin's opinions about happiness are valid. we cannot all be happy all the time.

and, thus, we arrive at the big question

is happiness attainable for everyone?

recognizing that not everyone has the same definition of happy
and acknowledging that not everyone has equal opportunity
how can i even begin to answer this question?
i simply cannot.
and it becomes obvious in rubin's analysis of happiness
that happiness is a very complex topic
that is grappled with
by philosophers
authors
celebrities
doctors
and on
and on...and on...

i do appreciate that rubin called upon her blog readers
and included their definitions and ideals of happiness
throughout her book.
in fact, my favourite part lists the mantras of happiness
from her blog readers

i.e. Own less. Love more.

something i did notice:
reading about happiness
did not make me happy.

go figure.

evolution

can you see it?
it is a pomegranate!

i changed my blog title.
as you can see.
and i have (kinda?) good reasoning...

i feel like i am constantly changing
(we all are)
everyday i learn something new
and it propels me forward

as i was brainstorming potential business names
i came across pomegranate
and loved it.
because it is so simple.
and because pomegranates seem to have
a never ending supply of good stuff
(the seeds, of course)
and i feel like that is a reflection of people in general
or at least that is my hope.

and also,
pomegranates are just wicked cool.


also.
i should inform you of my disappointment:

pomegranate birth services already exists.

i know.
i am crushed.
but blogger had no problem with it.

and off to the drawing board.....
again.

adventures of an amateur nun

did i say nun?
i meant non-religious woman staying in a convent.


i am learning how to be a doula
and i am doing this at the fcj christian retreat centre in calgary
which is truly a lovely place to be.

however.
on the first night of my stay.
i had what i will refer to as
a summer camp melt down
where i cried like a little girl
for approximately 35 minutes.
why?
because.
i cannot function in places that are too calm.
again.
i cannot function in places that are too calm.

i need chaos.
it keeps me going.
so.
i sat in this very quiet
very quaint room building
and i broke down and sobbed.

thankfully, i sobbed myself to sleep
and woke up feeling swollen and a little bit happier.

other things you need to know (post summer camp melt down)

i met some awesome women
who have the same goal as me:
empowering women and ensuring the ultimate birth experience.

i went against my beliefs as a yogi and a person in general

and bought leggings at lulu lemon

....and a sweater...

i waited approximately 15 minutes for a hot shower

within this 15 minutes i debated stealing the kettle

and giving myself a sponge bath (honestly)

several times.

i ate much glorious food.

i learnt. a lot.

i got intimidated. a lot.

i laughed. a lot.

i got teary-eyed when we watched a video of births.

i expanded my mind and heart.

and it really does not get better than that.

p.s. - more posts to come on doula-ism. promise.

summer reads

disclaimer: this list is not complete. and is open to any recommendations. however, it is not open to judgment.

the wrapping scarf revolution




macarons: authentic french cookie recipes




ashtanga yoga




am an emotional creature




the good body




the particular sadness of a lemon cake




if i loved you, i would tell you this

to build a home

love.

little known fact

i love to re-use
and, lucky for me and my quirks,
i work at an office where there is
an abundance of packing paper

i thieve this packing paper
straight from the recycling box
and take it home.

it sits with all my other paper goods
until the day comes when
i get to give a present!

yes, that is right.
i make my own wrapping paper.

i posted a lotta video below
as she fully goes over what you need to do
and i had full intentions of posting
photos of my creative adventure for your viewing pleasure.
so, what happened to that idea?

funny thing happens when you
a) own a cat
b) start moving things amuk and causing ruckus
the cat must see what is happening
as closely as she possibly can be to the occurring chaos.

once the iron was on and steaming
cuddles appeared, almost magically, and up on the table she went
she slithered around the iron
probably three times
each time my stress level shooting up
above and beyond anything even close to normal
accompanied by a gasp and then a "CUDDLES!"

and then lo and behold,
she saw the glob of basil craft paint
it looked glorious
and over she walked
probably with the full intention of walking over it
cats hate to be disorderly.
but she overshot. or undershot.
and the result was one perfectly cute paw
disguised in basil paint.

between cuddles and her curiosity
and the puppy stealing the camera case several times.
i gave up.

**and for those of you who are thinking
"just move the damn cat!"
it is nearly impossible
to tell a cat what to do**

*** in the video, lotta is using fabric - which is totally awesome too. i used brown paper that is a little bit more thick - the typical packing stuff ***



in other lotta news,
this it he most lovely inspiration shot:

list-o-logy

10 careers i would drop out of school to do.
1. avid organic gardener
2. spinster midwife
3. spoken-word poet
4. street artist
5. potter
6. metal smith
7. vegetarian chef
8. holistic nutritionist
9. fashion designer
10. furniture re-finisher

5 things that i should have invested in months ago.
1. toms shoes
2. a loofah
3. burts bees lip gloss
4. pain au chocolat (bread with chocolate. yum.)
5. a summer job

5 things i do not aspire to be
1. a workaholic
2. pet-less
3. sans sense of humour
4. a carnivore
5. a conformer

3 superfoods i want. right now.
p.s. - superfoods are foods that are super. according to me. forget the actual definition for now.
1. avocado
2. goat cheese
3. beets

5 things i hope to dream about tonight
1. goat cheese
2. those adorable vintage high heels that i met in my dream last night
3. the prophet in downtown hamilton and his foreshadowing of the apocalypse (it was oddly intriguing...)
4. grocery shopping (is that odd?)
5. scoring a new bag from hoakonhelga.

leafy greens and purple carrots

Source: landscaping-ideas-for-gardening.com via Melinda on Pinterest

Source: flickr.com via Laura on Pinterest

i may be slightly obsessed with pictures of gardens
only because i have finally accomplished the nearly impossible:
i (in conjunction with another) have found a community garden plot.

although i was totally prepared to do some guerilla gardening,
i am quite please with our little plot.
soon it will hold several seeds
(purchased from cubits - love!)
and after lots of sunshine
some water
and a whole lot of love

we will be the proud harvesters of
potatoes, beets, carrots (multi-coloured of course!), beans, peas,
lettuce, eggplant and plenty o' herbs.

organic seeds, organic gardening, organic produce.
here we come!