that one time

inspired by this book. read it not only because it is hilarious, brave, kinky, sad but mostly because it is honest.


it was a musty room.
it didn’t belong to either of us but a friend of his.
we were laying upon the damp bedding like children
as if we should have been swinging our legs and pretending they were swooshing around in a chilly lake, dispersing the minnows as we giggled wildly.
as irony would have it, it became the moment that i stopped being a child.
i realized that i was no longer.

sweaty palms, slobbery kisses and a flickering light.
these are the things i immediately remember.
i was wearing a blue shirt. a v-neck. the colour of the sky.
how i wished i could go see the sky.
but i could not.
i was obligated to be there.
as a certain someone’s “girlfriend”

apparently this label meant he was able to touch me where he pleased.
or so he thought.
his hands felt foreign on my waist.
and as they edged up towards my breasts,
my eyes began to feel with tears.
i lay there, lifelessly.
wondering why he was still touching me as my body refused to respond.
seconds later, i could no longer bare it.
i pulled myself up off that bed and left him alone in that room.

to hell with you and being someone’s girlfriend.

i have never been able to understand why he thought he was automatically given the right to touch me
and why he continued to touch me as my tears flooded the area between our cheeks, my eyelashes thick with dew.
had he not known that my body is mine.
and it deserves more than awkward, fumbling fingers?
i was outraged for weeks.

to hell with you and being someone’s girlfriend.

that certain someone traded me for a cigar weeks later.
the cool grade 5 transaction where someone offers you a cigar
if and only if you dump your girlfriend.



and i am so damn glad he did.