on blending in with my surroundings

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who would have thought
that venturing down the halls of the university
could be so mind boggling.
anxiety-inducing.
frightening.

you just never know
when a certain french anyone
will appear
(seemingly out of nowhere)
and start conversing in french

i try.
but for goodness sake.
my mother tongue prevails all the time.
it is my gut instinct.

i know they speak french
and apparently i do too?

they want me to speak french
i want to speak french.

but i just cannot muster up the words.

here is hoping that weekend of good rest
will put some (useful) french words into my mind.

say what?

i may be a little preoccupied with insects these days.
mainly bees.

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who would have thought

that there would come a day

that i would look at my bank account

cringe

empty my piggy bank

roll it

exchange it for money

and donate that money to charity

it appears as though i have very little

and, yet, there are people who have less.

ebb and flow.

i told myself i would be better this year.

i would handle it all better.

i wouldn't hibernate.

i wouldn't sulk.

and, most importantly, i wouldn't complain.

first day of snow fall..

and here i am

on the verge of sulking, complaining and, yes, contemplating hibernation.

i need some winter inspiration.

and i have found some.

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to be enough.

she wonders how it would feel to be enough.

to know enough.

to laugh enough.

to run enough.

to love enough.

to be enough.

to ignore numbers,

when it comes to self-worth.

to silence the voice

deep inside her heart.

to confront the voice

whose only purpose is to warn her.

this voice, this voice is true.

it is tangible.

and it cares.

it engulfs her.

it is brutally honest.

and she cannot take it.

she refuses to take it.

it is easier to run

to avoid it all.

the inevitable.

perhaps if the inevitable would occur,

that voice would change.

it would offer guidance, support, kindness.

it would inform her

of her talents,

of her beauty,

of her inherit need to love,

and how this need is so very needed in this world.

she will never know.

or will she?

time is the only option.

so let her keep wasting time,

keep wandering aimlessly

searching for the one thing she desires

acceptance.